NYE POV From The Realistic Idealist

I've got this thing with New Year's Eve.
Expectant anxiety.
Unnecessary anxiety.

My new year's celebrations have eerily earmarked what the rest of my year will be like. So how could I not feel some anxiety for it to be a fantastic celebration?

This is the same with my birthday. I get the same expectant, hopeful anxiousness. I'm a realistic idealist. I have my hopes and dreams, but I know that's not usually how things work out.

I'd rather be a complete realist or complete idealist because then I wouldn't have high expectations along with the anxiety that they probably aren't going to happen. At least an idealist would only have high expectations, and not waste energy feeling anxious. And a realist wouldn't have any anxiety since he's sans expectations.

But for some reason, I teeter between the two. I think it's because I always have the bright-eyed hope of the best happening, but I've had too many instances when the best hasn't happened so I can't deny that a lot of the time things just don't work out the way we desire.

I'm a reformed idealist; beaten by the drudgery of life but still hopeful and holding onto the belief that my heart's desires will come true as long as I never give up.

My Top Ten Christmas Movie Picks

     Three and a half hours until my Holiday begins!

Two weeks without work or school! I haven’t had two weeks off both in a loooong time; since November 2011.

     I’m trying to kill some time here. Sitting at this desk, waiting for the hours to go by. So here’s what I’ll do...my favorite Christmas movies! These are in no particular order.

1.) Christmas Vacation

2.) Charlie Brown Christmas

3.) Home Alone

4.) Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

5.) It’s a Wonderful Life

6.) The Grinch (original version)

7.) Miracle on 34th Street (90s version)

8.) A Christmas Story

9.) The Santa Clause

10.) The tape of animated sing along Christmas songs I watched as a little kid. Gah, it was the best.

Fun Southern Reads

I’m finally reading books for fun again! For the past couple of years I’ve been inundating myself with social work, psychology, and non-fiction books. While that’s great and necessary for building my knowledge base, it’s time to read for pure pleasure again!

I started with a book that I’ve had on my shelf for two and half years, Whistlin Dixie in a Nor'easter. It’s a great, fun read that makes me appreciate being a southern gal. It was written by a wonderful lady I grew up around and dear friend of my Aunt’s, Lisa Patton. It's also a great winter read since most of it is set in Vermont at a cozy little Inn.

Now I’m onto the sequel, Yankee Doodle Dixie and so far it’s just as enticing as the first. Probably more so since I know the main character better.

Not sure what I’ll read next, but one of my new year’s resolutions is to read one fiction book a month.

Patrick

A leather jacket.

Guitar in hand.

On my tenth birthday

Heart shaped ear rings

Made of coal.

I lost the one.

And wear the other

Around my neck,

Knowing he’s close to me as I wear it.

Wishing so much I could hear his

Laughter one last time.

Wishing so much I remembered the last chance I had to hear it.

But we never now when the last time will be.

American Pie.

Blackbird.

Songs he would sing on his guitar,

Resonate in my mind.

With me now and with me always,

Ever-present in my heart.

5 Rules to Live By

1. "You are the master of your fate and captain of your soul."
2. You become what you believe, not what you wish for, and every choice makes it so.
3. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. Character or lack thereof always shows itself early.
4. My creed based on the third law of motion in physics: What you put out comes back always, in all ways
5. Trust your gut. It's your spiritual GPS.

This is from Oprah's blog on Huffington Post, and I wholeheartedly agree with each of these because they have proven true in my life.

A Tiny Triumph

I finally am doing it! I’m well on my way to giving up my 5 day a week Starbucks habit!

Since I’ve tried this before, and then fell back into the hands of the green mermaid, I put a twist to it.

Each month I’ve been spending between $80-$100 on Starbucks. If I can afford to throw that money at Starbucks, then I can afford to give that money to a charity.

So that’s what I’m doing. After 30 days, I am going to donate the money I would have spent at Starbucks to a charity. This has been the kick in the pants I needed because now, if I go to Starbucks, I feel like I’m cheating a charity out of money!

So far I’ve done well. It’s week three and I’ve only had Starbucks twice. (I'm allowing myself a once a week cheat day.)

Any idea on charities? I want to do donate to a charity that has to do with children. There are so many. I’m not sure what I’ll choose!

Side Note: This is a blog about Starbucks that I found interesting.

MSW Cohort

In class this weekend, our teacher had the brilliant idea to get a class picture. I'm so glad he did this. These are all my classmates (and I'm up front there). Every one of them is pretty fantastic. 

A Grateful Heart

Hi everyone,
   With Thanksgiving coming up I want to say that I am grateful for the momentum that is happening in my life! Things are moving forward, and they continue to get better and better.
     A while back I took a hiatus as I decided to write a book. It ended up being mostly a compilation of journal entries, and at the end of its creation there was something missing and I knew I needed to take a step back and give some time for my real story to surface.
     Now is that time. My vision for this book has become much clearer.
        I'll let you know a little bit right now. It's going to be about my story of healing. I would like to bring more awareness to suicide- the journey of what the person who chooses suicide is like, how the suicide of my father has affected me, and my own contemplation of going down that path.

      I have a lot to say and my hope is that my words will be helpful and healing to others.

And that's that!

A Meaningless Post

Why are Twix so good? Someone brought leftover Halloween candy to the office. Well, I assume that’s what it is. I don’t know who brought it. We have a table in the middle of the office, and that’s where it appeared. I’m starting to think it’s magic because delicious treats constantly appear on it.

Jolly Ranchers, Twix, Milky Way, Cake, Cookies.

There’s really no limit.

Luckily they’re mini twix so I’d have to eat ten to equal one actual twix bar. Okay, more like four.

…And that’s my morning.

Innocence

I've made a breakthrough. It's been a year long process...well, lifelong really, but most of the grunt work was done over this past year, November 2011 to November 2012.

I was in line at Starbucks today, as I often find myself, and when the Barista saw me she said sincerely that she loves when I come in because I always have a smile on my face and it brightens her day. It brightened my day to hear her say that because that has been one of my goals for this past year; creating my own happiness so that it spreads to others.

Then I remembered that basically the exact same words came out of a co-worker's mouth two days ago.

And then, just a few minutes ago, a friend of mine text me a similar sentiment out of the blue.

I feel like these are signs that my work has paid off. I've found happiness within myself and now I'm able to share it!

Not that everything is always rainbows and butterflies but who I am today is very different than who I was a year ago. I'm lighter, I love myself more, and I love others more. Regardless of the circumstances.

One of the major lessons I lived this year is that you can't give what you don't have. But you can give what you do have. And then it multiplies.

i.e. The more I love myself, the more I'm able to love others. My heart has opened up so much more since last year. All my life I was guarded and scared to be vulnerable because I saw hurt and experienced hurt. But if I were to live my life making fear based decisions, then I would only get crappy results.

The truth is, all of our stories share the same thread. The universal issues we deal with are love and fear. Love is not a problem until fear gets involved.

This year I learned how to forgive. I forgave my mom. I forgave my dad. I forgave my childhood friend. I forgave the guy I was in love with for so long.

And most importantly, I forgave myself.

Because the truth is, all these people, including myself, were doing the best we knew how to at that point in time in the given circumstances. It doesn't make it all right. But it does make us all blameless. And I know that each of these people love me, but we all have our lessons to learn and our demons to face. And relationships are what bring these out so that we can face our demons and conquer them once and for all.

I am grateful for the lessons I learned from each of these people. I choose now to let go of the hurt.

Love is all that matters.

2012: The Next Hanging Chad?

 I just got a call from Eva Longoria!!!!!

Well, it was an automated message asking for my vote for Obama. Oh, I am looking forward to this election being over.

It’s an odd time in our world. I will be surprised if everything goes over smoothly voting wise. I expect some sort of weird 2000-esque ordeal.

We shall see.

Perhaps a PhD is for Me!

Okay, I still have 2.5 years left in my masters program, but I'm already excited about the prospect of continuing on after that and getting a PhD in Social Work.

I never really thought I'd be interested in getting a PhD in anything, but it makes the most sense. For one, I love school. Two, I want to become an expert in the field, find my niche, and going for a PhD will automatically grant me the time to find my niche, research it, and become an expert in my chosen niche of social work. I'm thinking of looking into researching something that I've been extremely impacted by in my own life such as suicide or alcoholism. I have some ideas for research projects.

Anyway, I'm getting way ahead of myself here but I must be onto something because the idea of getting my PhD excites me!

Plus, I want to write and lots of professors are writers. So, maybe I'll teach and write. Sounds like a good life to me!

It would be another four years in school. But either way, those four years are going to pass. So at the end of those four years I'll either have a PhD, if that's what I decide to do, or not. Thinking of it like that kind of puts things into perspective.

Wanted to share my epiphany with you. But, back to the present. I gotta get the Masters first!

Peaks of 2012

1. Getting into the Masters of Social Work program
2. Being honest about my feelings with people
3. Being honest about my feelings with myself
4. Figuring out what I want and going for it
5. Moving into my Condo in August
6. Having more stability in my life
7. Feeling like a grown up, but still having fun
8. Meeting my baby nephew
9. Confronting my fears, and letting them go          
10. Having a clear vision for the future…I think that has been the most assuring aspect that has changed in my life. I used to have a fuzzy idea, and then it often changed, but now I have a strong vision for my life which is very helpful in creating the life I want!
…Still two months left! What’s next???

Perspective

I wonder if we could see ourselves through the eyes of someone else, how it would change our own perspective of ourselves? I think we would realize how loved we are, and how imperfect we are. I wish I could see myself through the eyes of someone else, to be exposed to a different perspective of myself.

I look at people I love and sometimes think, I wonder if that person ever sees how beautiful he/she is? I hope so. I hope that we all see the beauty in ourselves that we can so easily see in others.

My First Social Work Internship

Got the internship I wanted! This is FANTASTIC news. I had my heart set on working with kids and being in a healthcare setting and I get both with this internship!
It’s the Pediatric Pulmonary division and it starts in January.

Bye Bye Sweat Shops

I'm being more mindful of what I buy. Money is power, and I want to make sure I make wise choices by spending it on businesses with integrity.

Now that I am aware of the horrible conditions of sweat shops, I am making a concerted effort to only buy sweat shop free clothing. So that means goodbye to Target and Express (my normal go-to stores for clothing).

But hello Etsy, Maggie's Organics and all the new places I will discover!

If you are interested in more information, THIS site has a good overview of why to go sweat-shop free, and how-to information.

Clueless

By the way, the movie quote from a few posts back is from one of my all-time favorites, Clueless.

What do you eat?

Living in the south and being an herbivore is sometimes looked upon with absolute confusion. Gainesville is veggie friendly, but Nashville (where I’m originally from) has a little further to go.

When someone discovers I am a vegetarian there is usually a level of intrigue and some standard questions follow. Here’s my best attempt to answer those questions.

How do you get enough protein?
To get my protein intake I eat beans, nuts, and believe it or not some veggies have protein such as spinach and broccoli. I also love hummus, which is made from Garbanzo beans (aka chickpeas).

Side note: if you want to know where the best hummus in town is, it’s at Farah’s On The Avenue. The best.

Overall, I don’t think or worry about my protein intake. I still get all that I need. There are athletes that are vegan and vegetarian. If they’re doing okay, I’m definitely fine. I think it’s really more about the habit of always having meat on our plate, and we were taught that it’s part of a well balanced meal. You have to be willing to think outside of the box if you are venturing into the world of vegetarianism. My entire schema of food was changed after doing my own research. Before making the change, I was eating more protein than I needed, purely out of the belief that I needed to have meat at every meal.

Do you eat fish and dairy?
For me, this is a sometimes. I always cook vegan at home. But when I am eating out, I will eat dairy because at times there just aren’t super healthy options on the restaurant menu- so instead of eating a meal of French fries, I’ll go for the cheese and fruit plate. Until last month, I ate fish once or twice a month. Now, because of moral reasons, I have given up fish completely (i.e. fishermen are killing dolphins because dolphins eat their fish supply, thus if the demand for fish goes down they will not feel a need to kill dolphins). Every now and then I will eat eggs. But the longer I am vegetarian, the less appealing they are to me. Again, sometimes it comes down to what is available to me. For example, if a breakfast diner only has hash browns as a vegetarian option, I will order eggs with it.

What made you decide to go vegetarian?
There's not one answer for this. It’s all the answers! It started more as a way to become healthier, and then as I researched the moralistic side I discovered many more reasons, and that became as equally important to me. To keep it simple, I realized that I would not be okay with killing and eating an animal myself, thus it doesn’t make it okay for me to turn my cheek because someone else is doing the dirty work.

But I like to keep in mind, everyone’s body is different. I don’t believe that my way is the best way, simply that it’s the best for me. Experiment and find what works for you (if you haven't already). It can be a lot of fun!

Delicious Eats at 'The Lunchbox'

My taste buds are tingling.

I finally decided to try The Lunchbox, which is a stone’s throw away from the office I work at. I’ve often passed by and wondered what they served but for some reason never checked out the menu.

Finally, last Wednesday I tried it out during the weekly Farmer’s Market. I tried the vegan potato salad. It was delicious.

Today, I’ve been feeling on the verge of sickness. Kind of achy and tired so as lunch time rolled around I knew I needed to be good to myself and eat some greens. The frozen veggie lasagna I brought as my meal wasn’t going to cut it. And then I remembered The Lunchbox!

I ordered the delicious salad and spiced pear soda pictured. Their sodas are homemade and all of their veggies were fresh and delicious. I especially like that they put daikon on their salad. It’s a veggie that is mostly used in Asian dishes. It has a lot of Vitamin C and enzymes that help aid digestion.

Besides the daikon, I also loved the pickled cucumbers. So good! I’m not a fan of raw cucumbers, but the pickled ones at the Lunchbox, I would eat alone…with their spiced pear soda, of course.

And the best part is, they are local. Makes me happy when I know I’m supporting local.

Step by Step

The past month I’ve been pretty hard on myself, thinking back to a year ago and how I thought that certain things in my life would be completely transformed by this time.
The truth is, that’s not how life works. Life doesn’t work on my timeline. God doesn’t work on my timeline, and at times that makes me pretty frustrated, sad, annoyed and if I continue to follow those feelings it turns into anger. Then all goes to hell because I’m focusing on the things that haven’t changed when really, a lot has changed.

Last year at this time I had just moved to Gainesville from L.A., was jobless, and had no idea what direction to go.

All I had was a seedling of knowing the direction I wanted to go. I knew I wanted to apply for a Masters program that would allow me to counsel. I had no idea which program or what school, but knew that I didn’t want to move again.

As my goals became clearer, so did my outcome.

The good news is, a year later, I am in school, didn’t have to move cities, and have a job. And I have a much clearer direction of where my life is going.

I guess I’ll stop being so hard on myself now. Congrats to me for figuring it out on my own!

Give yourself a break today and notice the positive changes that have happened in your life because of YOU!

Oh, and throw out that timeline because it will only drive you crazy.

Minor Update

Halfway finished with my semester! And it’s going great.

This week I have an interview for an internship within a division of Shands hospital. It’s an outpatient unit for children.

I spent my weekend in class. We got out early two of the days, so that was a bonus. And here it is Monday, back at work. No mail to sort or phones ringing right now, so here I am.

And I can hardly believe October is half over. As I get older my life goes faster and faster.

Never-End

A year later she had hoped
this would be no more

having done all she could to
make a difference in her life
yet again the pain creeped in

Would she ever vanquish the sadness
in her heart?

At a never-end.
If felt as though time had brought
her back to where she began.

The Quest for Love

This year I’ve been really wanting, hoping for, and feeling ready be in a healthy, committed, relationship. I’ve been single for six years. Of course I have dated throughout that time period, but no one has made it past the 3 month mark. According to a book I read, (okay, full disclosure- according to Patti Lestrange of Millionaire Matchmaker) at about three months is when the decision is usually made to make the relationship exclusive or not. That just hasn’t happened either because of distance, or realizing there wasn’t enough connection/compatibility.

At one point, what seems like a long time ago, I had a boyfriend for two years, and it was a healthy relationship. So I know it’s possible. But that was six years ago, and I was 19. As I got older, and suffered heartbreak, things became more complicated.

Thankfully, I’ve only had one toxic relationship and the situation lasted way too long (sorry, if you are reading this mister, but I think you’d agree). The good news is I learned basically every relationship lesson I apparently needed to learn with the one guy. I’m quite efficient.

The problem can be the aftermath. Toxic relationships leave residue. Even after we’ve moved forward, we may find ourselves being overly cautious of repeating the same mistakes, and cautious with opening up to another person. For the most part, I’ve worked through that issue…

Lately, it’s all about re-building trust with myself. At times I find it difficult to trust my own judgment, since who I believed in for so long to be right for me, turned out to be all wrong. It can cause moments of internal insanity. But when I’m coming from a clear heart and mind, I realize that I can trust myself. I can trust myself because now I know better!

To keep it simple, these are a few guidelines I use now:
If a relationship is complicated from the beginning, run away as fast as you can.
SERIOUSLY. RUN LIKE THE WIND.

If a relationship has you questioning yourself and overanalyzing everything,
RUN LIKE THE WIND.

And if you find yourself making excuses for the other person to yourself and your friends,
RUN LIKE THE WIND.

Starbucks Update

I haven’t done so hot with the Starbucks hiatus. What can I say? It’s my vice! I like studying there. I did make a small change. I’ve been ordering talls instead of grandes. Once step at a time! Maybe once I turn my empty guest room into an office I’ll study more at home, but until then…
I’ll take a tall soy caramel macchiato, please and thank you!

Cake and Beer

Dang it! Someone brought cake to the office.

I will resist! I had an awful diet this weekend of birthday cake and beer. I’m afraid if I eat anymore sugar I will instantly turn into a diabetic.

Eradicating Irrational Beliefs

I think it is safe to say that every person has irrational or limiting beliefs. They hold us back, and sabotage us from creating a life that we hope for and deserve.

The past year I've been changing my own irrational beliefs. First, I discovered them. And it wasn't pretty. Or fun. But I did it for the outcome. 

For example, say you are 'in love' with someone who does not return your affection. If you hold an irrational belief that "I am only loveable under certain conditions" then you are likely to continue after the person who, for his/her own reasons that do not reflect your worth as a human being in any way, does not choose to be with you. The underlying belief ends up becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. I held this irrational belief and it became my truth by my longing to be with someone who could not fulfill my desire to be in a healthy relationship. And I continued at it because of my subconscious belief that I was only loveable under certain conditions.

The tough thing in uncovering our own irrational beliefs is that we often hold them in our subconscious, so they can be difficult to uncover. The way to uncover your beliefs is to look at your actions. What is the problem you are experiencing? What are your actions? Your actions are a reflection of your thoughts.

Basically all of my irrational beliefs stem from childhood; as it is with most. Ah, if only I had a perfect childhood, then perhaps I would already be the complete, whole person that I have been striving towards for the past six years. However, I am perfectly imperfect. And it's nice to be able to see my own imperfection. There was a time when I was blind to it. Or at least hid it from myself and others, but to hide your imperfections is hiding a part of yourself which in turn leads to a lack of authenticity.

But I digress....

For me, it was important, for my own knowledge, to discover where my irrational/limiting beliefs came from. It helped me to understand, and thus forgive myself for having them. However, in my opinion, it is not absolutely necessary to discover where they come from. The healing comes from acknowledging and working to change the belief.

Are there outdated beliefs about yourself that you need to let go of? We've all got them. My life has been forever changed since I acknowledged them. It's not a pretty picture, at first. But it is freeing, enlightening and ultimately leads you to the wonderful life you deserve. 

Movie Quote!

Ugh, I had too much sugar. Now I am buzzingggg.

Someone left a bag of jolly ranchers as a free for all here at the office. I haven’t had jolly ranchers since I was probably in high school. I had three because I had to try every flavor. Then I had two cake pops. And as I write this I am reminded of this cinematic quote:

“I feel like such a heffer. I had two bowls of Special K, three pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, five peanut butter M&Ms and like three pieces of licorice.”

Can you name that movie?

The Mindy Project: Episode 2 Tonight

Watched The Mindy Project last week. I enjoyed it, and I think it will only get better from here on out. Season premieres are usually my least favorite because the writers have to pack in a lot of information (back-story and such) in an effective way. Think of all your favorite shows, go back and watch the season opener. It’s usually quite different from what the show evolves into. When I go back and view the premieres of my favorite shows, it’s usually somewhat offbeat. It’s like watching someone’s first day of high school- there are always cringe worthy, awkward moments, and then as time goes that person finds their footing. In the television world they have to find their footing fast, or else!-CANCELLATION.

Hope Mindy keeps it up. I love that she got her own show. She’s witty, girly, and really brilliant. All the episodes she writes for The Office have ended up on my favorites list. Hopefully The Mindy Project will be no different! The moment of truth for me will be tonight, when the second episode premieres.

Bits of Joy

Grateful for all the little bits of joy I’ve had in this day:

1. Hearing one of my dad’s songs in a restaurant while I ate lunch (Pink Floyd- Wish You Were Here)

2. Potential job opportunity I found out about and will know more soon!

3. Got a text from a friend. Looks like I’m going to St. Augustine this weekend to celebrate her birthday! Much needed fun time for me.

4. Work is going by faster than usual today because I have a little bit more to do, but still enough time to write this blog.

5. Got compliments on my jewelry and nail polish

6. Got a free pair of chic sunglasses someone left at a meeting in the office and never came back to claim

Lies My Ego Tells Me

Do you ever want to tell your mind to just...

Shut the hell up!?!

Yeah. Lately, I do.

To negate the lies my ego tells me I am constantly trying to be conscious of my subconscious. Not an easy task!

Self work can be exhausting.

I wish...

Well, I got some news today. Looks like that change I am wanting (refer to my Belle post last week) is about to happen.

It’s time to hit the ground running, and finally spend my time doing something career wise that I really want to do.

It will be two and a half more years until I get my social work degree so in the meantime, I would love to make money writing. Or at least be doing something that is more to me than a paycheck.

Let me explain. I was hired on this job through a temp agency. Today my boss told me that she is going to place an ad for my job which I am welcome to apply for, but I have to go through the same hiring process. Meaning I have to submit my resume, a cover letter, and take some tests for Word and Excel; all things I already did through the temp agency.

My heart is telling me that this is a sign to start looking for other opportunities. All I’ve done is work meaningless jobs since I was 15. I’m 25 now and ready to make money from doing something I enjoy. During undergrad it was understandable, but I refuse to wait another two and a half years until I get my Masters degree. I wish I were someone that liked the regular 9-5 job, but I don’t! I loathe it.

So, I don’t know what I’m doing. But I’m going to embrace this opportunity for change and do all I can to manifest a positive career opportunity for myself.

Ideally I would like to:

1.) Be self employed
2.) Make money writing

So, now the adventure is in figuring out what that looks like… I wish I could make millions through blogging every day. Thousands would do, too.

Simple Things I Love About Today

1. It’s casual Friday in the office! I love working Fridays. Most people in the office work Mon-Thursday so it’s extra quiet on Fridays which I find comforting. And I love lounging in my jeans wear.

2. The weather is stellar. Florida has nothing on Tennessee Fall as far as the looks department (you can’t really beat the beautiful colors that Fall brings to TN) BUT in October it begins to get coooold at night. When it comes to cold, I’ve become somewhat of a wimp since I moved to Florida.

3. I’m finally getting back on the healthy track. I started my day off with oatmeal (oats, tbsp of maple syrup, cinnamon, raisins, and flax seed). I grew up eating the oatmeal packets, but now they gross me out. Homemade is so much better!

4. Using my juicer. It makes me happy. I hadn’t used it for about 4 months, and had basically forgotten I owned it until yesterday. It’s such an easy way to get all your fruits and veggies in for the day.

5. The cutest old man came into the office a few minutes ago. He was cheerful with a big smile on his face. I enjoyed chatting with him.

Goodbye Dwight, Pam, Jim, and Kelly

The Office! It’s the final season. This makes me very nostalgic. Whenever I hear the opening credit song I instantly feel good. It brings great memories and a sense of comfort. It reminds me of when I first moved to Florida. I was 19, had moved away from home for the first time, and got a job working at a pizza restaurant. I would lie in bed on my days off watching show after show of The Office.

So I always correlate The Office with that time of my life. It was the beginning of an enormously new chapter. I was naïve, brave, and excited for what the future held…and had no idea how much more I had to learn!

The season show opener was better than I expected, but still not anything like the old days. And I am really disappointed that Mindy Kaling (Kelly) is not going to be in the final season. But she has her own show which airs tonight. I am definitely going to check it out.

Cable: Friend or Foe?

I have mixed feelings about cable. Until last month I did not have cable for two years. Then I took it even further and went without a television for six months. Well, I am happy to report that I now have a television and cable.

I considered continuing my cable hiatus as a way to not support the massive amounts of crap tv that airs. But, television is something I really enjoy. After all, my undergrad degree is in media production and for a short while I worked in media. Thus, I gave up the notion of completely forgoing television, but now I am much more intentional with what I choose to watch.

There were a few reality shows that I had allowed myself to get sucked into like Teen Mom, and some of the Real Housewives shows. But I began to realize that, while watching these shows, I felt really bad. It made me think negatively about people and the world. Why did I continue to watch these shows? For the crazy story lines? Maybe it was the counselor in me wanting to dissect the actions of these insanely selfish, blind characters? Whatever it was I finally realized it was not only NOT benefiting me in any way, but it was making me feel worse!

Since giving up these crappy shows I’ve replaced them with those of more substance and wit. I found I enjoy the Travel Channel, HGTV, and even the History channel. Also, How I Met Your Mother, Friends, and 30 Rock are on at all hours of the day/night; all stellar go-to choices.

So goodbye Bravo, E!, and MTV. No more brainwashing for me.

Oh What a World, What a World!

     I walked into work today and instantly felt a hot flash come on. Then I remembered I’m only 25.  It wasn’t a hot flash, but heat blasting from the vents. This is Florida. Heat is not needed in September. But apparently the county has decided to grace our office with a sauna like setting. Thanks, but I can go to the gym for that.

     With each hour the heat is increasing by a degree. If this continues, by 5:00 I will have melted like the Wicked Witch of the West.

Social Worker...That's Me!

I am in semester two of receiving a Masters in Social Work. I can tell you I love it. I can especially say that right now while I’m not knee deep in study materials. But even then it’s not so bad. It surely makes a difference when studying something you find interesting and in line with your core values. Being in my second semester, I have only scratched the surface. There’s so much I want to do and I have high expectations for my career in the field.

I am also excited to be a part of changing the way social workers are viewed. If you are like me, before I did my research I pictured all social work as case management; basically being behind a desk all day doing paperwork and then making home visits. That’s only one of the wide array of opportunities to creating a career in social work.

Next semester I’ll be doing an internship. I can’t wait! Not sure where it will be yet. Probably the hospital. I want to first try out working with children.

Here are some Hollywood examples of Social Workers for your viewing pleasure:

 Anna Kendrick played a hospital Social Worker in the Oncology unit. She fell in love with her client. Classic rookie mistake! And a great way to get fired.

Mariah Carey played a case worker, which is the vision that most of you probably first have come to mind. She looks pretty awful... and did a great job!

Starbucks:Taking Over The World and My Wallet

I’m cutting out Starbucks in a significant way. I spent $100 last month on Starbucks. How ridiculous is that!? I’m almost too embarrassed to admit that, but we all have our vices. I go there to study, and before I know it I’ve been there five days a week. The plan is Starbucks once a week. I’ll report back in a month! …Hopefully my study habits won’t falter! ;)

P.S. I’ve done this before, but I always get back into the Starbucks rut. Why is that? I would really like to break the habit for good this time. It should be a once in a while treat, not a daily habit. Although, I am sure Starbucks would disagree. Damn that Starbucks Gold Card shining brightly in my wallet!

Belle

I feel like Belle Today.

The  line she sings keeps popping into my head...

"There must be more than this provincial life."

           I am ready for a good change.

Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye is my least favorite thing in the world to do. I have had to say goodbye a lot in my life. Especially in the past few years. Sometimes it has been out of choice; because I had outgrown a situation or relationship. But even that isn't easy.

The most difficult have been the times I've had to let go of a relationship when it was something that was really positive, but circumstances intervened making change inevitable.

This has happened a couple of times in my life. And it happened today. If I let my mind take over and overwhelm me it can be extremely frustrating. But this time I am wiser and understand the big picture better. I still have my moments of frustration; of feeling gypt or shortchanged because of circumstances. But this is where my faith comes in because with every experience I have left behind new, positive experiences have come in their place. And I trust that this situation will be no different.

When I am in a moment that is perfect in my eyes, I want to bottle it up so that I can experience that specific moment whenever I want. I wish that memories would never fade.

In my perfect world, we would always stay close with those that we have shared a special connection with.
 

Love is a Choice

I used to think of romantic relationships as mostly a fated thing, but I don't see it that way anymore. I believe that many of the people in our lives are fated, but what happens in those relationships is up to us.

And now I don't believe that there's necessarily a wrong choice when it comes to love (as long as you are not acting selfishly or out of ego). Instead I see each choice as providing a different outcome; not necessarily better or worse, but different.

Anyway, that's my musing for the night.

I'm back!

I've been gone for a while getting my life in order, but now I am back! I've been getting a lot of pageviews so thank you for that, and I will start posting again so there will be new blogs up much, much more frequently. Thanks for reading. :)

The Grass is Greener

I've been thinking about geography. About how I ended up here in Gainesville, and thinking about my other experiences in the cities I have lived. Those cities being Franklin, St.Augustine, Jacksonville, and Los Angeles. For every city I have lived in one thing remained the same. People that had lived there for years would cynically ask me, "Why would you move to ----?" Even in L.A. this happened. It seems to me that all of us, to some extent, have the grass is greener syndrome.

I had this for a long time. Until this year, I constantly moved. Looking back, I see that it was a way for me to figure my life out. It was my means to an end. If I hadn't moved, especially to Los Angeles, I would have always wondered, "Would I be happier if I were living in L.A.?"

For me, it wasn't my happiness. But that experience helped me to realize that we are not a victim of our circumstances...

Owning and believing that I am the author of my life has granted me much more power than I used to credit myself with. Instead of believing in fate, I believe in choices. I believe there are some fated occurrences that have happened and will happen throughout my life, but ultimately I make the choice in how I want to react, or participate in said circumstances.

I guess what I am saying is life no longer drags me along for the ride. I have finally moved into the driver's seat.

Vice President of Solar Impact, Elaine M. Jacobson, was kind enough to answer some of my questions regarding solar energy.

Solar Impact is located at 4509 NW 23rd Ave. Gainesville, FL 32606
For more great information visit their web site at www.solarimpact.com

I am starting my first video blog series concerning humanitarian issues, with a focus on empowering the individual. There are some questions that I would like answered, and topics I want to delve into concerning the environment, government, health, and spiritual issues. I will be sharing my experiences as I gather information. Should be enlightening!

Power & Beauty

You know what is ridiculous? I just cropped a picture for Facebook because I did not like the way my stomach looked in it. It was a bathing suit picture.

I don’t want to care about that stuff anymore. I want to take care of my body and eat healthy, but I do not want to obsess and judge myself anymore. I was thinking about this picture that was taken at the beach, and wondering why it bothers me so much that I would feel the need to crop a picture for Facebook. It doesn’t make anyone love me any more or less. No matter how tight my abs are- that does not affect my happiness. Sure, perhaps it would give myself a temporary boost to have a six pack, but my body is beautiful now and I don’t want to always be striving for it to be better. I do not want to be in the rat race of always thinking things could be a little bit better.

Then I began to think about how if I have a daughter I want her to feel free from judgement and not obsess about her looks. I want her to love herself and see herself as I would see her- with unconditional love.

I started to think about how I would react to the picture of myself if it were my daughter or a best friend (since we should love and treat ourselves with that unconditional love we have for those nearest and dearest to us). My reaction would be totally different. I would love the picture! I would tell her she looks beautiful and really mean it! And that’s the reaction that I should have toward myself.

And I know I’m not the only one. I’ve watched most of my friends do this. We pick apart each picture of ourselves. “Don’t post that, my arm looks fat” or “Gross. I look disgusting.”

I want us, and I mean women, to let go of those insecurities and see ourselves through the eyes of unconditional love. Because in that space, five pounds doesn’t make an ounce of difference. And I want us, as women, to be less judgmental of each other. But how do we do this collectively?

I believe there is change happening. We’re finally starting to see a shift in the idea of what ‘perfect’ is. And it starts with the individual.

I know I still have work to do in this area- but I am hoping that sharing this with you helps us to individually and collectively embrace our power and own our beauty.