Peaks of 2012

1. Getting into the Masters of Social Work program
2. Being honest about my feelings with people
3. Being honest about my feelings with myself
4. Figuring out what I want and going for it
5. Moving into my Condo in August
6. Having more stability in my life
7. Feeling like a grown up, but still having fun
8. Meeting my baby nephew
9. Confronting my fears, and letting them go          
10. Having a clear vision for the future…I think that has been the most assuring aspect that has changed in my life. I used to have a fuzzy idea, and then it often changed, but now I have a strong vision for my life which is very helpful in creating the life I want!
…Still two months left! What’s next???

Perspective

I wonder if we could see ourselves through the eyes of someone else, how it would change our own perspective of ourselves? I think we would realize how loved we are, and how imperfect we are. I wish I could see myself through the eyes of someone else, to be exposed to a different perspective of myself.

I look at people I love and sometimes think, I wonder if that person ever sees how beautiful he/she is? I hope so. I hope that we all see the beauty in ourselves that we can so easily see in others.

My First Social Work Internship

Got the internship I wanted! This is FANTASTIC news. I had my heart set on working with kids and being in a healthcare setting and I get both with this internship!
It’s the Pediatric Pulmonary division and it starts in January.

Bye Bye Sweat Shops

I'm being more mindful of what I buy. Money is power, and I want to make sure I make wise choices by spending it on businesses with integrity.

Now that I am aware of the horrible conditions of sweat shops, I am making a concerted effort to only buy sweat shop free clothing. So that means goodbye to Target and Express (my normal go-to stores for clothing).

But hello Etsy, Maggie's Organics and all the new places I will discover!

If you are interested in more information, THIS site has a good overview of why to go sweat-shop free, and how-to information.

Clueless

By the way, the movie quote from a few posts back is from one of my all-time favorites, Clueless.

What do you eat?

Living in the south and being an herbivore is sometimes looked upon with absolute confusion. Gainesville is veggie friendly, but Nashville (where I’m originally from) has a little further to go.

When someone discovers I am a vegetarian there is usually a level of intrigue and some standard questions follow. Here’s my best attempt to answer those questions.

How do you get enough protein?
To get my protein intake I eat beans, nuts, and believe it or not some veggies have protein such as spinach and broccoli. I also love hummus, which is made from Garbanzo beans (aka chickpeas).

Side note: if you want to know where the best hummus in town is, it’s at Farah’s On The Avenue. The best.

Overall, I don’t think or worry about my protein intake. I still get all that I need. There are athletes that are vegan and vegetarian. If they’re doing okay, I’m definitely fine. I think it’s really more about the habit of always having meat on our plate, and we were taught that it’s part of a well balanced meal. You have to be willing to think outside of the box if you are venturing into the world of vegetarianism. My entire schema of food was changed after doing my own research. Before making the change, I was eating more protein than I needed, purely out of the belief that I needed to have meat at every meal.

Do you eat fish and dairy?
For me, this is a sometimes. I always cook vegan at home. But when I am eating out, I will eat dairy because at times there just aren’t super healthy options on the restaurant menu- so instead of eating a meal of French fries, I’ll go for the cheese and fruit plate. Until last month, I ate fish once or twice a month. Now, because of moral reasons, I have given up fish completely (i.e. fishermen are killing dolphins because dolphins eat their fish supply, thus if the demand for fish goes down they will not feel a need to kill dolphins). Every now and then I will eat eggs. But the longer I am vegetarian, the less appealing they are to me. Again, sometimes it comes down to what is available to me. For example, if a breakfast diner only has hash browns as a vegetarian option, I will order eggs with it.

What made you decide to go vegetarian?
There's not one answer for this. It’s all the answers! It started more as a way to become healthier, and then as I researched the moralistic side I discovered many more reasons, and that became as equally important to me. To keep it simple, I realized that I would not be okay with killing and eating an animal myself, thus it doesn’t make it okay for me to turn my cheek because someone else is doing the dirty work.

But I like to keep in mind, everyone’s body is different. I don’t believe that my way is the best way, simply that it’s the best for me. Experiment and find what works for you (if you haven't already). It can be a lot of fun!

Delicious Eats at 'The Lunchbox'

My taste buds are tingling.

I finally decided to try The Lunchbox, which is a stone’s throw away from the office I work at. I’ve often passed by and wondered what they served but for some reason never checked out the menu.

Finally, last Wednesday I tried it out during the weekly Farmer’s Market. I tried the vegan potato salad. It was delicious.

Today, I’ve been feeling on the verge of sickness. Kind of achy and tired so as lunch time rolled around I knew I needed to be good to myself and eat some greens. The frozen veggie lasagna I brought as my meal wasn’t going to cut it. And then I remembered The Lunchbox!

I ordered the delicious salad and spiced pear soda pictured. Their sodas are homemade and all of their veggies were fresh and delicious. I especially like that they put daikon on their salad. It’s a veggie that is mostly used in Asian dishes. It has a lot of Vitamin C and enzymes that help aid digestion.

Besides the daikon, I also loved the pickled cucumbers. So good! I’m not a fan of raw cucumbers, but the pickled ones at the Lunchbox, I would eat alone…with their spiced pear soda, of course.

And the best part is, they are local. Makes me happy when I know I’m supporting local.

Step by Step

The past month I’ve been pretty hard on myself, thinking back to a year ago and how I thought that certain things in my life would be completely transformed by this time.
The truth is, that’s not how life works. Life doesn’t work on my timeline. God doesn’t work on my timeline, and at times that makes me pretty frustrated, sad, annoyed and if I continue to follow those feelings it turns into anger. Then all goes to hell because I’m focusing on the things that haven’t changed when really, a lot has changed.

Last year at this time I had just moved to Gainesville from L.A., was jobless, and had no idea what direction to go.

All I had was a seedling of knowing the direction I wanted to go. I knew I wanted to apply for a Masters program that would allow me to counsel. I had no idea which program or what school, but knew that I didn’t want to move again.

As my goals became clearer, so did my outcome.

The good news is, a year later, I am in school, didn’t have to move cities, and have a job. And I have a much clearer direction of where my life is going.

I guess I’ll stop being so hard on myself now. Congrats to me for figuring it out on my own!

Give yourself a break today and notice the positive changes that have happened in your life because of YOU!

Oh, and throw out that timeline because it will only drive you crazy.

Minor Update

Halfway finished with my semester! And it’s going great.

This week I have an interview for an internship within a division of Shands hospital. It’s an outpatient unit for children.

I spent my weekend in class. We got out early two of the days, so that was a bonus. And here it is Monday, back at work. No mail to sort or phones ringing right now, so here I am.

And I can hardly believe October is half over. As I get older my life goes faster and faster.

Never-End

A year later she had hoped
this would be no more

having done all she could to
make a difference in her life
yet again the pain creeped in

Would she ever vanquish the sadness
in her heart?

At a never-end.
If felt as though time had brought
her back to where she began.

The Quest for Love

This year I’ve been really wanting, hoping for, and feeling ready be in a healthy, committed, relationship. I’ve been single for six years. Of course I have dated throughout that time period, but no one has made it past the 3 month mark. According to a book I read, (okay, full disclosure- according to Patti Lestrange of Millionaire Matchmaker) at about three months is when the decision is usually made to make the relationship exclusive or not. That just hasn’t happened either because of distance, or realizing there wasn’t enough connection/compatibility.

At one point, what seems like a long time ago, I had a boyfriend for two years, and it was a healthy relationship. So I know it’s possible. But that was six years ago, and I was 19. As I got older, and suffered heartbreak, things became more complicated.

Thankfully, I’ve only had one toxic relationship and the situation lasted way too long (sorry, if you are reading this mister, but I think you’d agree). The good news is I learned basically every relationship lesson I apparently needed to learn with the one guy. I’m quite efficient.

The problem can be the aftermath. Toxic relationships leave residue. Even after we’ve moved forward, we may find ourselves being overly cautious of repeating the same mistakes, and cautious with opening up to another person. For the most part, I’ve worked through that issue…

Lately, it’s all about re-building trust with myself. At times I find it difficult to trust my own judgment, since who I believed in for so long to be right for me, turned out to be all wrong. It can cause moments of internal insanity. But when I’m coming from a clear heart and mind, I realize that I can trust myself. I can trust myself because now I know better!

To keep it simple, these are a few guidelines I use now:
If a relationship is complicated from the beginning, run away as fast as you can.
SERIOUSLY. RUN LIKE THE WIND.

If a relationship has you questioning yourself and overanalyzing everything,
RUN LIKE THE WIND.

And if you find yourself making excuses for the other person to yourself and your friends,
RUN LIKE THE WIND.

Starbucks Update

I haven’t done so hot with the Starbucks hiatus. What can I say? It’s my vice! I like studying there. I did make a small change. I’ve been ordering talls instead of grandes. Once step at a time! Maybe once I turn my empty guest room into an office I’ll study more at home, but until then…
I’ll take a tall soy caramel macchiato, please and thank you!

Cake and Beer

Dang it! Someone brought cake to the office.

I will resist! I had an awful diet this weekend of birthday cake and beer. I’m afraid if I eat anymore sugar I will instantly turn into a diabetic.

Eradicating Irrational Beliefs

I think it is safe to say that every person has irrational or limiting beliefs. They hold us back, and sabotage us from creating a life that we hope for and deserve.

The past year I've been changing my own irrational beliefs. First, I discovered them. And it wasn't pretty. Or fun. But I did it for the outcome. 

For example, say you are 'in love' with someone who does not return your affection. If you hold an irrational belief that "I am only loveable under certain conditions" then you are likely to continue after the person who, for his/her own reasons that do not reflect your worth as a human being in any way, does not choose to be with you. The underlying belief ends up becoming a self fulfilling prophecy. I held this irrational belief and it became my truth by my longing to be with someone who could not fulfill my desire to be in a healthy relationship. And I continued at it because of my subconscious belief that I was only loveable under certain conditions.

The tough thing in uncovering our own irrational beliefs is that we often hold them in our subconscious, so they can be difficult to uncover. The way to uncover your beliefs is to look at your actions. What is the problem you are experiencing? What are your actions? Your actions are a reflection of your thoughts.

Basically all of my irrational beliefs stem from childhood; as it is with most. Ah, if only I had a perfect childhood, then perhaps I would already be the complete, whole person that I have been striving towards for the past six years. However, I am perfectly imperfect. And it's nice to be able to see my own imperfection. There was a time when I was blind to it. Or at least hid it from myself and others, but to hide your imperfections is hiding a part of yourself which in turn leads to a lack of authenticity.

But I digress....

For me, it was important, for my own knowledge, to discover where my irrational/limiting beliefs came from. It helped me to understand, and thus forgive myself for having them. However, in my opinion, it is not absolutely necessary to discover where they come from. The healing comes from acknowledging and working to change the belief.

Are there outdated beliefs about yourself that you need to let go of? We've all got them. My life has been forever changed since I acknowledged them. It's not a pretty picture, at first. But it is freeing, enlightening and ultimately leads you to the wonderful life you deserve. 

Movie Quote!

Ugh, I had too much sugar. Now I am buzzingggg.

Someone left a bag of jolly ranchers as a free for all here at the office. I haven’t had jolly ranchers since I was probably in high school. I had three because I had to try every flavor. Then I had two cake pops. And as I write this I am reminded of this cinematic quote:

“I feel like such a heffer. I had two bowls of Special K, three pieces of turkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, five peanut butter M&Ms and like three pieces of licorice.”

Can you name that movie?

The Mindy Project: Episode 2 Tonight

Watched The Mindy Project last week. I enjoyed it, and I think it will only get better from here on out. Season premieres are usually my least favorite because the writers have to pack in a lot of information (back-story and such) in an effective way. Think of all your favorite shows, go back and watch the season opener. It’s usually quite different from what the show evolves into. When I go back and view the premieres of my favorite shows, it’s usually somewhat offbeat. It’s like watching someone’s first day of high school- there are always cringe worthy, awkward moments, and then as time goes that person finds their footing. In the television world they have to find their footing fast, or else!-CANCELLATION.

Hope Mindy keeps it up. I love that she got her own show. She’s witty, girly, and really brilliant. All the episodes she writes for The Office have ended up on my favorites list. Hopefully The Mindy Project will be no different! The moment of truth for me will be tonight, when the second episode premieres.

Bits of Joy

Grateful for all the little bits of joy I’ve had in this day:

1. Hearing one of my dad’s songs in a restaurant while I ate lunch (Pink Floyd- Wish You Were Here)

2. Potential job opportunity I found out about and will know more soon!

3. Got a text from a friend. Looks like I’m going to St. Augustine this weekend to celebrate her birthday! Much needed fun time for me.

4. Work is going by faster than usual today because I have a little bit more to do, but still enough time to write this blog.

5. Got compliments on my jewelry and nail polish

6. Got a free pair of chic sunglasses someone left at a meeting in the office and never came back to claim