I've got this thing with New Year's Eve.
Expectant anxiety.
Unnecessary anxiety.
My new year's celebrations have eerily earmarked what the rest of my year will be like. So how could I not feel some anxiety for it to be a fantastic celebration?
This is the same with my birthday. I get the same expectant, hopeful anxiousness. I'm a realistic idealist. I have my hopes and dreams, but I know that's not usually how things work out.
I'd rather be a complete realist or complete idealist because then I wouldn't have high expectations along with the anxiety that they probably aren't going to happen. At least an idealist would only have high expectations, and not waste energy feeling anxious. And a realist wouldn't have any anxiety since he's sans expectations.
But for some reason, I teeter between the two. I think it's because I always have the bright-eyed hope of the best happening, but I've had too many instances when the best hasn't happened so I can't deny that a lot of the time things just don't work out the way we desire.
I'm a reformed idealist; beaten by the drudgery of life but still hopeful and holding onto the belief that my heart's desires will come true as long as I never give up.
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