2010

2009 was progressive, and a glimpse of getting my life to be what I want it to be, and really realizing what I want my life to look like. I'm still figuring out some of it as I go, and that's part of the fun of life, creating it as you go. Trying things, and then changing things, and keeping the parts you want to keep. And then you have to figure out how to gain the things you want while also keeping the good parts you want to remain in your life. It's a lot of work- all for the sake of...happiness. Everything we do truly is in hopes of making ourselves happier. What makes you happy doesn't necessarily make me happy, and that's beautiful to me.

The past 3 years have been a lot of self discovery, and a lot of time for myself. I believe the better you know yourself, the better your chances at creating a meaningful life for yourself.

This year, I feel and hope, will be a time to begin seeing what I want come to fruition. These past three years were about discovering what I want. The difference of these past three years and going into the year 2010 is that I have a clearer idea of what I want.

So let the fun begin.

I LOVE going to the movies

Went to the movies today...

I can't describe it adequately with words, but there's just something that I feel so connected to with the art of filmmaking. And that feeling I get, when sitting in that dark theatre, watching a story come to life that used to be nothing but an idea, is a catalyst for my own self motivation. I love it.

You Never Know What's Just Around the Corner...

It's so true. My aunt reminded me of this tonight.

So I am back. Since my last post I have graduated! What a relief! Now I am ready to really go for it! IT being everything I've ever wanted. For me IT is- a successful film career and a family. So the journey begins. Well, it's already been on its way, but a new chapter has begun.

Graduation weekend was the greatest! Having friends and family there made it so special and everything was so much fun.

The question everyone asks me now is....now what? Thankfully, I have an answer! I found out (the day before graduation) that I am going back to intern at the Cannes Film Festival this May. The biggest and best film festival. I am ecstatic.

In the meantime, I'm back home in Tennessee. I feel it's exactly where I should be before I fly away to France. And after France, who knows where I'll go. I didn't know I would be going to France until about a week ago, which just goes to show... you never know what's just around the corner.

PS

I just wrote a post, but I had to create another just to say that "Away We Go" is now one of my favorite movies. I saw it this past week, and love it- from the script to the soundtrack. And the acting! So good. Catherine O'Hara, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Maya Rudolph (a far cry from her SNL characters-impressed me) and John Krasinski (totally redeemed himself since I thought he was only good at being Jim Halpert after seeing that dumb movie he was in with Mandy Moore. )

If you like Garden State, Juno, and/or Eternal Sunshine- I think you'll like this too.

Short film, or Short Movie?

So about that short film I've got in the works... It's my first real attempt at a short. I've done two shorts as a class assignment, but nothing that I would want to submit to a film festival. That's the goal for this one. I want it to be film festival worthy.

I wrote about it a few posts back, but I figure I can update on its progress.

I was hoping for it to be in post production by this week...it's not. But that's the norm for these things...dates get pushed back.

So this past weekend was the first shoot...but one of the actors didn't show. Yeah, not exactly what I was hoping for. But we did get some shots, and now next time we'll be better prepared. So it wasn't a total loss.

The show will go on. I mean it has too. (I need this for my senior portfolio!) I got in contact with the actor...he's still on board. Looks like shooting will resume next Saturday. The hardest part is working with everyone's schedules. And there's only four of us! School just gets in the way of filming...

Can't wait to graduate...two more months!

(When we film next I'll get some pictures to post! The location is definitely photo worthy!)

And I guess it's not really a short film...it's not being shot on film, but short movie just sounds weird to me. I say this because one of my professors called me out on it... so now I don't know what to call it.

Faux cake, Sunrise, and Pumpkins

As I expected, school has gotten in the way of posting. But I guess graduation is kind of important...
It's already October. Wow. Here's a little bit of what I have been up to these last couple of weeks.


I attempted to make a vegan chocolate cake. Not because I'm vegan, but just because I wanted to see what a cake only made with ingredients such as fruit, nuts, and cocoa would taste like. My version turned out REALLY ugly. (The blender apparently isn't a vegan fan.) BUT it did taste good! ...Different. But I liked it after the blender started to work with me, and actually BLEND.

I had my first shoot for my short film last week. I took this picture when I was checking out the location.

And this is just proof that it REALLY is October. (Sometimes it can be confusing living in Florida.)

Post Grad Flight Attendant

I thought of something I want to do post graduation!

I want a job as a flight attendant! (Like Claire from Elizabethtown... minus the thick southern accent.) This way I can travel, meet new people, and in my spare time work on writing and film.

However my bubble was burst when I researched it last night...no one seems to be hiring. I guess I shouldn't be surprised there. Hopefully as the economy gets better, that will change. Hurry up already economy! I graduate in 3 months!

Anyone have an "in" with an airline and can help me out? That'd be nice.

Otherwise I am going to be thinking of new ways to make money once I graduate. I need an enjoyable, non-demanding side job (no more retail!!) so that I can work my way into the film industry. I'm going to look for some P.A. jobs, but those only last as long as the production...hmmm.

Lots to figure out in 12 weeks.

My Morning

Not a bad morning to have.

Contest Win!

I won a contest! Okay, this isn't exactly something "I've Never Done"...I remember being 12 when my cousin and I won tickets off the radio to a Blink 182 concert.

But THIS is better. It gives me a little validation for my writing. I'll take all that I can get because honestly, I kind of was wondering if I still had it. I mean, when I was in middle school and high school I wrote and wrote...and I got validation for it. Teachers always commenting and that kind of stuff, but since college I haven't really been writing for anyone but myself. At least not creatively speaking. So it's just been me and my pen and my own ambition to guide me. But that's okay, because I don't write for validation. I write because I love it!

What I wrote was very simplistic. But that doesn't make me any less excited about winning! (I just don't want anyone getting a picture painted in their head that I won a book deal or something.) I did win a really good filmmaking book though!

And all of this came about thanks to blogging! A fellow blogger created the contest. If you are into film or witty writing you should check his blog out.

Great start to the week! Hope you got a great start too!
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Here's what got me the win:
(The topic was to write why you are a 'Kid in the Front Row')

I wanted to become an actress when I was six years old. (wait...don't stop reading there.) I remember the first time I decided this. It was while watching "My Girl". Oh, I thought that Macaulay was the coolest kid around. He was my first crush.

So came the acting classes and numerous school plays...then came college. Then I began to discover there may be more to film that I want than to just be in one. I want to make one, or two, or three, or however many I can.

You know that feeling you get from watching a great film? And by great I mean great to YOU. Not every film is going to be a "Schindler's List" or "Slumdog Millionaire"...but to someone- some one, my movie could be that important in their world. That's what matters to me.

So, I am a kid in the front row because this business is hard to grasp onto, and trying to break into it can be quite humbling. I've learned the only way to make it in the world of film is to love it, but as in just about every life matter it takes more than love to get the ball rolling.

It takes thirst for knowledge and a listening ear. Now, I've learned I can't acquire the knowledge I need if I'm sitting in the back row. And the view may be a bit skewed if I play it too safe (near the emergency exits) at the side. So I'm the kid in the front row because to me, it's the only place to be.

Farmer's Market

So I got up this morning and went to the Farmer's Market that Saint Augustine holds every Saturday morning.
Many things were happening...like a lady asking why her turtle plant had died.


A woman making lion art.

And free massages...of course. What Farmer's Market doesn't have that?


Then it started raining...so that was that.

And now I am going to go back to sleep for a while.

Self Improvement, Please

Whoa...It's almost been a week since my last post. Things have definitely picked up in my life with classes starting back, and this being my final semester. However, I will happily use this as a procrastination tool when I feel necessary.

Last week was all new. But not any remarkably new experience to speak of. However I am taking classes that will actually give me material for this blog. I'm going to be creating a magazine (along with three other students) and honing in on my photography skills (actually find out if I have any). So soon I will start posting more pictures to keep you thoroughly entertained.

In one of my classes, Positive Psych, as a semester project I have to decide what I want to work on in terms of me. What should I improve on....hmmm. I have an idea, but delving into it for an entire semester kind of makes me uncomfortable and will be a lot of work (so I know I must be on the right track!)

So I am going to ask...what would you work on? What are some weaknesses that you see in yourself or other people that should and could be improved upon. Leave a comment! You can keep it anonymous if you want. We all have room to grow...sometimes it's harder to see when it's yourself though! After all we only have our extremely bias point of view. :)

Monthly Wrap Up

It's already September, and this blog has been going for very close to a month. So how about a wrap up? I started this to document experiences I've never done (see above title). It's time to take inventory. Here's what we've got so far:

• Bought a car for the first time (Went to the dealership alone...scary).
• Made pasta sauce.
• Watched a total of 22 movies (most I've ever seen in a month).
• Investigated a lighthouse.
• Wrote my first short screenplay.

Sure some seem more insignificant than others, but what I've realized is that they have a ripple effect. For example the short that I wrote was majorly inspired by my visit to the lighthouse. So I needed the one thing to get to the other. Aren't most things like that in life? To get to where you want to be there's almost always a myriad of steps that work together to get you to the final destination.

One of my favorite quotes by MLK really helps me to keep my eye on what I aim for, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase".

Looking forward to September!

My Short

Sunday night, five chocolate chip cookies in... and I just finished writing a short. For my last semester in undergrad I am going to be making a short film (meaning 3-12 minutes). I have been thinking about it all summer. I knew inspiration would hit me, and have been on the verge for the past couple of weeks. Finally, tonight it all came together.

It's been a work in progress for the entire summer. The story is inspired by a few experiences from the last 6 months, and also inspired by the awesome music of 'The Format' (specifically their songs 'I'm Actual' and 'The Compromise').

The goal is to have the film finished in November. Hopefully before then, but I need to pace myself. These things usually only get better with time. And then...Film Festivals here I come!

A Lighthouse and a Revelation

I visited a lighthouse... That's my never done task for the week. It was beautiful, and something I could have done a long time ago, but never did.

It inspired me creatively as well... Which I will be putting onto paper shortly.

But back to the Lighthouse. Of course these days the beacon is operated by an engine, but way back when they had lighthouse keeper's. These people had a serious job to do. So serious that they would get a year off for every two years they worked.

And there's something romantic about the whole lighthouse lifestyle. I mean these people lived apart from society, but at the top of this lighthouse you can see all that's going on below. I'm sure it could be very lonely and difficult. It's not really a glamorous job considering they had to carry 50 pounds ( of gasoline in a bucket) up 300 plus stairs every two hours... but still, it's appealing. Maybe it's the solitude.

There's definitely substance there for a story...many stories really. I just have to choose what story I want to tell.

And my revelation for today...

A friend and I were talking today, both aspiring film makers, and after seeing Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds we realized the reason we could excuse all the blood and guts is because you can tell Tarantino doesn't do it because he wants to be showy...but rather because that's what HE would want to see in a movie. So now, when making a movie, I'm going to be sure to ask myself 'what would I want to see?'. It may sound selfish, but it's guaranteed to have more passion behind it than if I were to solely worry about pleasing my audience. So thanks Tarantino...

What...do you want?

This is my secret board. If you've never heard of "The Secret" I'd recommend seeing the movie, or reading the book.

Basically these are the things I want. Either to have, to do, ect. I put this up in February of 2008. Since then I have taken down a few pictures because it's stuff that has been accomplished! And that's the best feeling ever.

Still a few of the pictures are from my first posting in Feb. 2008. (Such as NYC, Love, the diploma, and travel.)

It really helps because you stay focused on what you want, and things just kind of happen.

My Movie Week

I have watched so many movies this week. Probably more than I ever have in one week. This is due to my roommate and I deciding to live without cable. Mainly to save money, but also as to not distract us from doing more productive things. And since I aim to work in the movie industry I can write off watching movies as investing in my career...right?

At this moment I am watching Idiocracy. Some of my friends love it. It's a good concept, but it hasn't kept my attention considering I am writing this as it plays. I made it about halfway through. But here are some movies I recommend that I have really enjoyed from this week:

American Teen
Jesus Camp
Half Nelson
The Squid and the Whale

The first two are documentaries. Jesus Camp is disturbing...depending on your beliefs I suppose. Half Nelson is one of Ryan Gosling's first movies and it was produced by an awesome woman I met at the Cannes Film Festival so I've been wanting to check it out, and it was definitely worth the time.

Another week is almost up, so I'll have to be thinking of something new to experience... planning on posting some pictures tomorrow.

Stepping Up to the Oven

Today I made my first homemade pasta sauce. A simple task, but nonetheless one I've never done.

At the age of 22 I haven't done much cooking. My mom wasn't much of a cook, and now looking back I wonder what I ate for dinner most nights growing up.

Thankfully I have been surrounded by good cooks most of my life. From grandmothers to friends. So I personally never saw much of a need to learn myself. And I also think it was partially due to me not wanting to to play into the ideal womanly role of cooking and cleaning all day.

As time has gone on I am beginning to see it as more of a necessity, and something I want to learn so I can not only enjoy the eating process, but also the creation. Now, I don't think I am ever going to be someone who loves cooking all the time, but when the mood hits I want to be able to hold my own in the kitchen.

However...I still demand to hold the right to enjoy my friends' meals who really do love to cook. Maybe now I'll just learn a bit more by watching them than just eagerly waiting for the end result.

PS It turned out well, for my first time. Could have used some basil, but I was out.

A Serendipitious Coincidence

So I have this tendency to become nostalgic about a specific time in my life. And I need to keep moving on and on. I mean, I am. But I wonder why it is that when things are slow, I always find myself thinking about this time. I guess it's because I learned the most about myself during this time. It's when I grew up. It was really the hardest time in my life because I was being affected by things that were forcing me to make decisions about myself and figure out my own morals and what I believe as opposed to what I was taught to believe. It was my first time to stand completely on my own.

So I certainly stumbled, as we all do when figuring ourselves out. Still, this time in my life left wistful debris. I don't know how to explain it. Does anyone else feel this way about a specific time in their life? Even though it was the most difficult for me because of the emotional exhaustion I went through, there were still some amazing times and some of my favorite memories. I never thought that some of my best memories would also be some of my worst. I know all this doesn't make much sense to you, reader, without knowing the details. But then again, maybe it does. Because maybe you understand where I am coming from, in some aspect. Big or small.

I really love it when my life has that kind of magical feeling. To you that may sound a bit ridiculous, but let me rephrase it for those more cynical types... replace the word magical with serendipitous. (Maybe that word still isn't good for cynics, I wouldn't really know since I'm not one.)

And there are all these things that happened back during this time that I still don't understand. Seredipitious things that now appear to not have been serendipitous, but instead just a string of coincidental events. That disappoints me.

It disappoints me because I don't think our life is left up to chance. So I still feel like I don't have some questions answered. Questions that I've had since this bittersweet time. But I really still have faith that they'll be answered. Some of them, well most of them, I've had to answer for myself. I would just like some validation. That's something I feel I haven't completely gotten. Not yet at least.

I guess the dust is still settling.

Life List

The pastor's son, at the church I grew up attending, has been in a horrible car accident. He's only 19 years old. Actually he's 19 today. On his birthday he is in the hospital, on life support.

This is one of those things that doesn't make any sense whatsoever. And there is no way to make sense of it. There is still hope that he will pull through. So that's of course what everyone is going on....hope. The other option just doesn't make any sense.

So it's got me thinking, at the age 0f 19, I had barely done anything I wanted. At 19 I moved away from everything familiar to me. And now, at 22, I've barely scratched the surface of things I want to do, and see, and experience. So it's hard for me to ever understand anyone being taken away from something as mundane as a car wreck at 19 years old.

I'm hoping the best for him. And for his loving family.

So what are the things that you wouldn't have accomplished if you were to die today? We all have our lists.

Here's a few from mine:

• Make a film- that changes the way people think about an issue.
• Make many films
• Produce films
• Travel the world:

• Write a memoir
• Write another screenplay
• Become fluent in another language, probably French
  

And of course I have my more personal goals such as marriage, (later) and kids, (later). That just seems so far away. But its not really considering I want it to be within the next ten years. It will be an entirely other life. At least, that's how it feels. But just three years ago seems like a lifetime away...

I guess that's how quickly life can change.

Wait Lead

Still on the hunt for a new job as a waitress. Got a lead tonight. My roommate and I ate at a new pizza restaurant in town. I could definitely waitress there. It's my kind of job- laid back, and an easy menu to remember. That is one of my main concerns. Memorizing the menu. I have friends who tell me they were tested before they were hired on the menu alone! No thanks. However I have no problem memorizing the difference between Sicilian, stuffed crust, and white pizza.

They told me to come back next Tuesday. So this will be a task I'll have to update on. In the meantime I am going to try to think of some new 'never done' tasks for myself.

And of course there are some majorly obvious ones, but I'm a student with a budget so sky-diving won't be on it for a while.

I Did It!

Week one's feat is officially accomplished...and it's only Monday!

I went to the car dealership again today, after talking with my financial advisers (i.e. my grandparents) and struck up a deal! I excitedly began the 40 minute drive, when I realized I'd probably need my title. So I turned around, and 15 minutes later I was on my way again.

When I arrived the salesman I spoke with yesterday was on lunch break, so I opted to wait for 30 min. Number one: I was comfortable with him. He was not at all sketchy. Number two: I figured if I stayed with him he would be grateful since I could have gone with any other salesman there...and thus be more apt to help me get a good deal.

At the last minute I changed my mind on the type of car I wanted. I was planning on the Corolla, but then, in all its glory, appeared the Scion. I didn't even know it was part of the cash for clunkers deal. I loved the interior. It's a bit more trendy. And I like the exterior. I prefer the unconventional.

And AC! After living in Florida for 3 years sans AC, that's definitely what I am most excited about. (Ironically enough my AC went out a month after I moved to Florida.)

Now that I have accomplished my first "Never Done" task...I'm going to add another to this week's. I am looking for a job as a waitress. After three years of retail, I'm ready to make some more bucks. And honestly this is probably something I should have tried a while ago.

Let's see how it goes!

Week #1: buying a new car

I've been inspired to start my own blog. I want it to inspire. Hopefully it will inspire others, but even if it's just me that it inspires then so be it. (Wow. That's a lot of inspiring.)

I've been wanting to do this. The final straw came when I went to see the movie 'Julie & Julia' just a couple of days ago. If you've seen it then you know exactly what I mean. If not, well then you should see it. Meryl Streep is never a let down. And I'm partial to Amy Adams as well.

But what am I to make my blog about? If I want it to be inspiring to me then I don't just want to make it about something I already know a lot about. (Although, there's not much I know A LOT about.)

Long thought process short- I've decided to make it about doing things I have never done before. I'm a big believer in trying things. The more experience you gain, the more knowledge, and knowledge is power. Plus new experiences are just fun! (At least that's what I aim for.)

This week has already kicked into gear without me having to put much thought into what new situation I will be experiencing: Buying a new car. So here it goes...

Today I went to the dealership for my first time. Sure, I have been to a dealership before, but not for my own purchase. Today I went all alone, ready to be preyed upon.

It was not a process I enjoyed. As I expected, I felt like prey. And I told the salesman straight up that I was not going to be buying today. I didn't want to be pressured into anything. But that is what they do best. However I didn't walk away with a car today. So I prevailed! But I do plan to take a car home by the end of the week.

Overall today was a good experience for me to have on my own. A 22 year old female is probably one of the easiest targets to dupe over, but I am determined to get a good deal!

The rest of the week I'll just be trying to figure out the best path to choose for obtaining a loan. Another feat I have never done! This week is turning out to be an easy write.

(And all this came about thanks to the new government deal 'cash for clunkers.' Yes, I will definitely take $4500 for my car that is only valued at $750. Thank you!)