My concept of freedom has expanded over the past year. I
used to think of freedom as something provided by an outside source. For example,
the United States provides us freedom under the constitution. I saw freedom as
a right.
It is a right. But what I didn’t realize is the power I
hold. Instead of looking outside of myself for the permission to be free, I now
give myself that permission.
Freedom to me is not being attached to any person,
substance, object, ect. It is freeing my mind from obsession over the past, the
present, and future.
My freedom has come from letting go of control. I’ve stopped
outlining how I think a situation should go. Outlining is when you want a
certain outcome in a situation so you try and will it into existence. But by doing
so it makes everyone in the situation, including yourself, miserable because there’s
no room to breathe!
I’ve learned that to get what you want you have to be
willing to lose it. If you’re not open to that possibility then you will cling
too tightly to it and depend on it.
When I’m at my best, I look at things from a detached
perspective. Once I’ve done my part in a relationship (friendship, romantic, or
family) I have to let it go and let the chips fall where they may.
The best relationships bring out our shadow side, forcing us
to deal with our shit. We’ll meet certain people throughout our lives who act
as mirrors to show us what we don’t want to see. If you’re not willing to see your
dark side, then most likely you’ll run away from the relationship, but if you
choose to show up then you can work through it and deal with your demons. We
all have them, and they certainly don’t go away by ignoring them. They’ll only
get louder and louDER and LOUDER until you hit your bottom.
We all have a bottom. My bottom was an accumulation of
losing a friendship that was extremely important to me, finding myself in a
repeat situation with a romantic relationship…and both of these situations were
screaming at me and urging me to let go of a false belief I held.
Most of us have negative beliefs in our heads that replay
over and over and over. And we act them out over and over and over. For example,
maybe your father wasn’t emotionally available to you as a child, so you
internalized the belief “I’m not loveable”. That belief stays with you and then
manifests in your life as you become an adult; usually in your closest
relationships.
The good news is you can undo these false beliefs. The
biggest and first step is recognizing your false beliefs. This is the part that
I would recommend therapy for. Although, when I went through this last year, I
did it myself because I was pretty broke at the time so I didn’t see therapy as
an option. I read books that asked the right questions so that I was able to
uncover some of my false beliefs and realize where they originated from. However,
I recommend therapy because the process will probably be much faster and
therapy really is an investment in yourself and many people (especially
LCSW-licensed clinical social workers) operate on a sliding scale so you can
afford it! I am finally going to therapy and intend to keep up with it on a regular
basis. I’m doing it for myself, and also for my clients because having my shit
together will make me a better therapist.
Point being, I encourage you to do what you need to do to
find out if you have false beliefs that you’re carting around. Once you discover false beliefs you realize
how they have so much power and how they are coloring your perspective. And
once you recognize them, you can take the steps to letting them go. And letting
them go leads to your own freedom!
That’s probably a lot to digest so I’ll leave it at that for
now. Happy healing!
