Innocence

I've made a breakthrough. It's been a year long process...well, lifelong really, but most of the grunt work was done over this past year, November 2011 to November 2012.

I was in line at Starbucks today, as I often find myself, and when the Barista saw me she said sincerely that she loves when I come in because I always have a smile on my face and it brightens her day. It brightened my day to hear her say that because that has been one of my goals for this past year; creating my own happiness so that it spreads to others.

Then I remembered that basically the exact same words came out of a co-worker's mouth two days ago.

And then, just a few minutes ago, a friend of mine text me a similar sentiment out of the blue.

I feel like these are signs that my work has paid off. I've found happiness within myself and now I'm able to share it!

Not that everything is always rainbows and butterflies but who I am today is very different than who I was a year ago. I'm lighter, I love myself more, and I love others more. Regardless of the circumstances.

One of the major lessons I lived this year is that you can't give what you don't have. But you can give what you do have. And then it multiplies.

i.e. The more I love myself, the more I'm able to love others. My heart has opened up so much more since last year. All my life I was guarded and scared to be vulnerable because I saw hurt and experienced hurt. But if I were to live my life making fear based decisions, then I would only get crappy results.

The truth is, all of our stories share the same thread. The universal issues we deal with are love and fear. Love is not a problem until fear gets involved.

This year I learned how to forgive. I forgave my mom. I forgave my dad. I forgave my childhood friend. I forgave the guy I was in love with for so long.

And most importantly, I forgave myself.

Because the truth is, all these people, including myself, were doing the best we knew how to at that point in time in the given circumstances. It doesn't make it all right. But it does make us all blameless. And I know that each of these people love me, but we all have our lessons to learn and our demons to face. And relationships are what bring these out so that we can face our demons and conquer them once and for all.

I am grateful for the lessons I learned from each of these people. I choose now to let go of the hurt.

Love is all that matters.