A Serendipitious Coincidence

So I have this tendency to become nostalgic about a specific time in my life. And I need to keep moving on and on. I mean, I am. But I wonder why it is that when things are slow, I always find myself thinking about this time. I guess it's because I learned the most about myself during this time. It's when I grew up. It was really the hardest time in my life because I was being affected by things that were forcing me to make decisions about myself and figure out my own morals and what I believe as opposed to what I was taught to believe. It was my first time to stand completely on my own.

So I certainly stumbled, as we all do when figuring ourselves out. Still, this time in my life left wistful debris. I don't know how to explain it. Does anyone else feel this way about a specific time in their life? Even though it was the most difficult for me because of the emotional exhaustion I went through, there were still some amazing times and some of my favorite memories. I never thought that some of my best memories would also be some of my worst. I know all this doesn't make much sense to you, reader, without knowing the details. But then again, maybe it does. Because maybe you understand where I am coming from, in some aspect. Big or small.

I really love it when my life has that kind of magical feeling. To you that may sound a bit ridiculous, but let me rephrase it for those more cynical types... replace the word magical with serendipitous. (Maybe that word still isn't good for cynics, I wouldn't really know since I'm not one.)

And there are all these things that happened back during this time that I still don't understand. Seredipitious things that now appear to not have been serendipitous, but instead just a string of coincidental events. That disappoints me.

It disappoints me because I don't think our life is left up to chance. So I still feel like I don't have some questions answered. Questions that I've had since this bittersweet time. But I really still have faith that they'll be answered. Some of them, well most of them, I've had to answer for myself. I would just like some validation. That's something I feel I haven't completely gotten. Not yet at least.

I guess the dust is still settling.