Hypo-Thyroid

Another day of feeling super tired. Slept from 2:00 am until 11:00am. Didn't have work today. Felt tired in the afternoon and fell asleep from 3:00-5:00. That's a lot of flipping sleep. Last week I couldn't finish one of my group exercise workouts at the gym because I felt exhausted. That has never happened to me.

Can't wait to figure this out with the doctor. I feel like it's a hypo-thyroid issue. I didn't know this until I started asking my aunt questions about her hypo-thyroidism, but my uncle and grandmother also had/have the same issue. So I won't be surprised at all if that's it. In fact, I kinda hope that is it- since it's easily treatable. Looked further into it and I do have a few other symptoms. I'm not worried about it. I just want to get it treated so I'm not tired anymore.

Letting Go of the Past

I thought I needed to hold onto bits of my past to continue on with my present and future, but I have been getting answers- through dreams- that I need to let go of my past. I had a dream where I was literally told that I need to let go of the past. No need to read between the lines there!

Anytime I was reminded to let go of my past (mostly within this past week) I would wonder- how do I do that? I was thinking too hard. I came across something today that answered my question. Say a prayer and let it all go.

So I let go of all the hurt.
From childhood until yesterday.
Every situation I encounter will now be encountered with a clean slate.
Even, and especially, with those people from my past.

I am staying focused on the present and future. What happened years ago or yesterday no longer holds my attention.

Moving forward and not looking back.

Things Are A-Brewing

Major changes are going on in my life.

One of those is waiting to hear back regarding my acceptance to grad school.

Feeling good about it all.

Been having some serious spiritual stuff going on. This month and especially week have been extremely draining, but necessary. It has been a bit frustrating not having much of an outlet for all that's going on in my mind. All these realizations I have been having.

To my own dismay, and after attempting to subdue and not accept a concept in my life that I've been dealing with, it has been made very clear to me what I need to do to attain the happiness I deserve and have been praying for. Will most likely go into depth later as I feel it is an important topic to be open about.

A Good Birthday

Finally...a good birthday. No tears. A lot of alcohol, and good people.

Well, there was one tear but I blame that on the alcohol. There was nothing to really be upset over and all the sudden at the end of the night, I had an urge to cry. That tends to happen with me and alcohol. I start off having a great time but as the night comes to a close it begins to cover everything in a negative light- One of the reasons I haven't been drinking as much.

But the birthday was good, and I was surrounded by good people and I think everyone had fun. Win win win.

Journals

I've written this before and I'm writing it again, but I am so glad that I have kept journals. Over the past six years I have made a collection of six or seven journals and it is a blessing to be able to look back at them as time passes. What's really cool is seeing how events connected and evolved in ways that I would have never imagined!

It's also incredibly interesting realizing what and who remain an important part of my life. People fell to the wayside that I never thought would. On the contrary, people who I hoped would stay in my life but at times thought would no longer be a part of it- have reemerged. That makes me happy, and makes up for the loss.

No More Procrastinating

I've got to finish this personal statement. I want to have it finished before my birthday. Time is ticking away. I figure if I write about doing it, I will actually do it.

Okay...here I go.

111, 222, 444

Not too long ago I wrote about how I was seeing 1111 or 111 everyday- multiple times a day. It majorly subsided after I took my GRE which I 'coincidently' scheduled on 1/11. I scheduled it about a month before I started seeing 111 everywhere. Thus at the time I picked it, the date was insignificant to me.

Now I've been seeing 222 and 444 everyday. License plates, the time, on the treadmill, ect. I have this book about the spiritual meaning of numbers. It poses the idea that angels, and passed loved ones communicate with us in various ways if we are open to it, and one of those ways is with numbers. Here's what the book has to say about the spiritual meaning behind the numbers I've been seeing...
111:

"An energetic gateway has opened for you, rapidly manifesting your thoughts into reality. Choose your thoughts wisely at this time, ensuring they match your desires. Don't put any energy into thinking about fears at all, lest you manifest them."

Pretty fitting since I was worrying about getting a good score on the GRE.
222:

"Have faith. Everything's going to be all right. Don't worry about anything, as this situation is resolving itself beautifully for everyone involved."

This directly correlates with a personal situation I'm not going to go into, but it completely is an answer to an ongoing thought and prayer I have.
444:

"Thousands of angels surround you at this moment, loving and supporting you. You have a very strong and clear connection with the angelic realm, and are an Earth angel yourself. You have nothing to fear--all is well."

Thought I would share this info because this has never happened to me until a few months ago when I began seeing 111, and 1111.

Oh, and chew on this for thought. My grandfather passed away this past October at 11:11 am. I did not know this until my aunt told me after his passing, but 1111 was his favorite number because of the spiritual significance behind it. He did an in depth study on it.

Now I Remember

I've been kind of nervous and not my normal optimistic self about my upcoming birthday. I think because for the past several years I've had some not so great birthdays. And I recently remembered that on my 9th birthday my parents had their custody battle hearing. How sucky is that? On one hand it makes me really happy I'm not going through anything like that (and makes me happy to be an adult). But on the other hand, no wonder I'm having birthday anxiety!

Sometimes I wish I could just hug the child version of me. Do you ever feel that way? As much as I joke about not wanting to have kids, I really do (at the right time) because I want to give my kids the stable family and love that I didn't have. And, that's part of the reason I want to do counseling/social work.

Le tired

I've been super tired lately. Once I get up and going I'm fine, but been needing lots of sleep. I don't know what the deal is. At first I thought it may be a thyroid problem, but I don't have any other symptoms. Now I'm thinking it may be a Vitamin D deficiency since I haven't been out in the sun in such a long time. And whenever I am, I wear sunscreen. I take a multivitamin, but maybe I'm not absorbing all of it. I don't think I'm low on iron. I eat a lot of veggies that contain iron like spinach and broccoli, and my multivitamin has iron. I don't know. Hopefully it'll get better. I've been sleeping for about 9-11 hours a day and then still usually take a nap. I have been working out a lot more too so maybe my body is getting used to that?

I guess I'll try a Vitamin D supplement. Strange. Thankfully I've never really had any health issues which I am really grateful for so hopefully this is just me needing some sunshine!

Some Fragmented Thoughts

Sometimes it's hard not having family around. But, I love Florida and feel like it's where I am supposed to be. I never felt like I belonged in Tennessee. Tennessee is beautiful and I love Franklin and Nashville, but to paint a clearer picture- it's like that feeling of being in a relationship with someone- who may be a great person and on paper everything makes sense, but there's not really a lot you have in common with the person and there's a heartfelt disconnect there. That's how I felt all the time growing up in Tennessee. It just isn't the right fit for me.

I make most of my decisions based on intuition. That may sound fickle, but it's usually the opposite because when I intuitively know a decision is right for me, there is nothing that will change my mind. In the past, whenever I questioned my intuition, it ended up being correct anyway. These days, I have learned to completely trust it, and as a result it has been making my life much smoother- helping me to let go of inner battles, to trust myself, and to trust God.

Right now I have a few hunches about what's to come in the next few months. And I'm so ready for these things to happen.

Arrogance is such a turn off to me.
Ugh. Gross.

My life is finally coming together and everything is starting to make sense. Feels good. Damn good. Been praying for clarity for six years now, and the fog is receding at a fast pace now. I'm feeling very very grateful.