My posts are likely to be few and far in between for a while, but for an exciting reason...
I am writing a book!
I leave you with this wonderful message from Mumford & Sons as a tiny glimpse into what this book is about.
"Love it will not betray you
dismay or enslave you
It will set you free
Be more like the (wo)man you were made to be. "
Sigh No More
4/06/2012
4/04/2012
Healed
I have to tell you.
God has healed my heart.
The past two months have been incredibly introspective and spiritual.
I've been working on myself- admitting and letting go of fears, shifting my perspective on situations, using love as my guide instead of making decisions that are ego or fear based, praying a lot, having lots of personal realizations, and uncovering my authentic self.
And I don't think it's just me. This seems to be a time of transformation for a lot of people. Excited because now the inner work that I've been doing is starting to manifest in the physical.
Such as, I got accepted into grad school today!
I hope you all are going through some positive changes too!
God has healed my heart.
The past two months have been incredibly introspective and spiritual.
I've been working on myself- admitting and letting go of fears, shifting my perspective on situations, using love as my guide instead of making decisions that are ego or fear based, praying a lot, having lots of personal realizations, and uncovering my authentic self.
And I don't think it's just me. This seems to be a time of transformation for a lot of people. Excited because now the inner work that I've been doing is starting to manifest in the physical.
Such as, I got accepted into grad school today!
I hope you all are going through some positive changes too!
3/27/2012
3am Smoke Alarm
I was awoken by my smoke alarm a few minutes ago. I had been asleep for a little while, and it is almost 3am right now. The alarm freaked me out to say the least. As a result I'm still feeling fear, and adrenaline.
Before I went to bed I was reading a book that was making me entirely uncomfortable. The goal in reading this book is dealing with long buried feelings. I'm doing a 'shadow' process. I have only skimmed the surface and it is already scaring me. But I am doing it nonetheless.
Like the smoke alarm (which went off for no reason but apparently to wake me) I feel an alarm within myself signalling me it's time to deal with these invisible (to the eye) issues that have been bogging me down- with the purpose being an emergence of a more authentic self.
Before I went to bed I was reading a book that was making me entirely uncomfortable. The goal in reading this book is dealing with long buried feelings. I'm doing a 'shadow' process. I have only skimmed the surface and it is already scaring me. But I am doing it nonetheless.
Like the smoke alarm (which went off for no reason but apparently to wake me) I feel an alarm within myself signalling me it's time to deal with these invisible (to the eye) issues that have been bogging me down- with the purpose being an emergence of a more authentic self.
3/25/2012
The Transformation
Authenticity.
Time to cut through deceit.
This mask,
He thought it was
glued to his face.
Forgetting it was of his own creation.
The struggle had become
that which he had forgotten.
Self-deceit.
Transformation arrived
and the days became long,
But he knew in his heart
it had to be done.
It had been put off far too long.
Time to face his demons
To conquer them once and for all.
The addiction.
The lies.
As he focused on
truth.
love.
honesty.
The hurt buried beneath
began to emerge.
A painful process at first.
But as he released and surrendered,
each crucifix carried burst into flames
and was no more.
Time to cut through deceit.
This mask,
He thought it was
glued to his face.
Forgetting it was of his own creation.
The struggle had become
that which he had forgotten.
Self-deceit.
Transformation arrived
and the days became long,
But he knew in his heart
it had to be done.
It had been put off far too long.
Time to face his demons
To conquer them once and for all.
The addiction.
The lies.
As he focused on
truth.
love.
honesty.
The hurt buried beneath
began to emerge.
A painful process at first.
But as he released and surrendered,
each crucifix carried burst into flames
and was no more.
3/24/2012
We Found Love
I wasn't a fan of this song that Rhianna does until a couple weeks ago when I listened to the lyrics. Then I found this version that I fell in love with.
Transforming Soul
Love,
Reflected in the mirror.
The key within my heart
Was held below
Within the cavity
Of sadness and pain.
It had been there too long
And was buried too deep.
Guided to freedom
Transformed from within.
The past now holds merely a shell
Of present self.
Reflected in the mirror.
The key within my heart
Was held below
Within the cavity
Of sadness and pain.
It had been there too long
And was buried too deep.
Guided to freedom
Transformed from within.
The past now holds merely a shell
Of present self.
3/22/2012
Jacob
She lost her son. She blamed it on herself. She carried it around for the rest of her life. Wishing, hoping, praying that if she carried the guilt deep enough and held tight to the burden she would be able to bring him back, or at least remember every detail forever. She felt that letting go would mean forgetting. She loved him too much to chance it. She clung to the fragments of her son, Jacob...Jake...She held onto his memory for as long as she could.
She wrote down every memory she had. But she kept these close to her heart. Locked in her heart. She shared her writings with no one. Not even her husband.
After Jake passed, the guilt ate her alive. It was all her fault, she knew it. She had to punish herself for this loss. How could she have let this happen? It was not her fault, but she couldn't help but give in to the painstaking feeling that she had to carry this albatross.
Her memories turned into pain. The pain seeped into her heart, into her mind, and engulfed her soul. Not a day went by she didn't think of Jake. She lived to punish herself.
She loved her husband. Thus, that relationship had to go. Her belief became that she no longer deserved love. After a few months, her self-loathing couldn't accept her happiness. How could she allow happiness when she felt such loss?
Her vision was skewed, and it only became worse. After a few months, she left her husband and went back to a man she did not love. She had been with this man briefly before she knew what true love was. And now, here she was, throwing it all away.
Her lack of self-love caused her to overlook the hurt and pain caused to her husband. She did not love herself anymore, so she could not fathom that he would still love her. She felt she was doing him a favor by leaving. All she thought about was Jake, and he was a reminder. A reminder of the loss. A reminder of the pain. A reminder of the hurt. A reminder of his smile.
As soon as she left she knew she had made a mistake. But for some reason, going back was not a choice. She and her husband suffered silently and alone. He, now, had lost all he ever wanted.
She didn't know how to claim her life back.
She felt an eternal hole would be in her heart because her son was gone, and now her husband.
Eventually she left the man she didn't love, and decided to be alone.
She longed to be back with her husband, but she did not have the courage to say so. And when she saw him, he was a ghost of who he once was. He had not healed from the loss, but buried it.
She decided to bury it too. But buried pain only burrows deeper. The further it goes, the deeper it clamps onto the soul.
At the end of her life, she realized the pain she had inflicted upon herself. She promised to never again let go of someone she loves, and she finally forgave herself for the loss of her son.
She prayed for a second chance, but time evaded her. Perhaps, in another life, she would get the chance to truly free her soul?
She wrote down every memory she had. But she kept these close to her heart. Locked in her heart. She shared her writings with no one. Not even her husband.
After Jake passed, the guilt ate her alive. It was all her fault, she knew it. She had to punish herself for this loss. How could she have let this happen? It was not her fault, but she couldn't help but give in to the painstaking feeling that she had to carry this albatross.
Her memories turned into pain. The pain seeped into her heart, into her mind, and engulfed her soul. Not a day went by she didn't think of Jake. She lived to punish herself.
She loved her husband. Thus, that relationship had to go. Her belief became that she no longer deserved love. After a few months, her self-loathing couldn't accept her happiness. How could she allow happiness when she felt such loss?
Her vision was skewed, and it only became worse. After a few months, she left her husband and went back to a man she did not love. She had been with this man briefly before she knew what true love was. And now, here she was, throwing it all away.
Her lack of self-love caused her to overlook the hurt and pain caused to her husband. She did not love herself anymore, so she could not fathom that he would still love her. She felt she was doing him a favor by leaving. All she thought about was Jake, and he was a reminder. A reminder of the loss. A reminder of the pain. A reminder of the hurt. A reminder of his smile.
As soon as she left she knew she had made a mistake. But for some reason, going back was not a choice. She and her husband suffered silently and alone. He, now, had lost all he ever wanted.
She didn't know how to claim her life back.
She felt an eternal hole would be in her heart because her son was gone, and now her husband.
Eventually she left the man she didn't love, and decided to be alone.
She longed to be back with her husband, but she did not have the courage to say so. And when she saw him, he was a ghost of who he once was. He had not healed from the loss, but buried it.
She decided to bury it too. But buried pain only burrows deeper. The further it goes, the deeper it clamps onto the soul.
At the end of her life, she realized the pain she had inflicted upon herself. She promised to never again let go of someone she loves, and she finally forgave herself for the loss of her son.
She prayed for a second chance, but time evaded her. Perhaps, in another life, she would get the chance to truly free her soul?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)