Jacob

She lost her son. She blamed it on herself. She carried it around for the rest of her life. Wishing, hoping, praying that if she carried the guilt deep enough and held tight to the burden she would be able to bring him back, or at least remember every detail forever. She felt that letting go would mean forgetting. She loved him too much to chance it. She clung to the fragments of her son, Jacob...Jake...She held onto his memory for as long as she could.

She wrote down every memory she had. But she kept these close to her heart. Locked in her heart. She shared her writings with no one. Not even her husband.

After Jake passed, the guilt ate her alive. It was all her fault, she knew it. She had to punish herself for this loss. How could she have let this happen? It was not her fault, but she couldn't help but give in to the painstaking feeling that she had to carry this albatross.

Her memories turned into pain. The pain seeped into her heart, into her mind, and engulfed her soul. Not a day went by she didn't think of Jake. She lived to punish herself.

She loved her husband. Thus, that relationship had to go. Her belief became that she no longer deserved love. After a few months, her self-loathing couldn't accept her happiness. How could she allow happiness when she felt such loss?

Her vision was skewed, and it only became worse. After a few months, she left her husband and went back to a man she did not love. She had been with this man briefly before she knew what true love was. And now, here she was, throwing it all away.

Her lack of self-love caused her to overlook the hurt and pain caused to her husband. She did not love herself anymore, so she could not fathom that he would still love her. She felt she was doing him a favor by leaving. All she thought about was Jake, and he was a reminder. A reminder of the loss. A reminder of the pain. A reminder of the hurt. A reminder of his smile.

As soon as she left she knew she had made a mistake. But for some reason, going back was not a choice. She and her husband suffered silently and alone. He, now, had lost all he ever wanted.

She didn't know how to claim her life back.

She felt an eternal hole would be in her heart because her son was gone, and now her husband.

Eventually she left the man she didn't love, and decided to be alone.

She longed to be back with her husband, but she did not have the courage to say so. And when she saw him, he was a ghost of who he once was. He had not healed from the loss, but buried it.

She decided to bury it too. But buried pain only burrows deeper. The further it goes, the deeper it clamps onto the soul.

At the end of her life, she realized the pain she had inflicted upon herself. She promised to never again let go of someone she loves, and she finally forgave herself for the loss of her son.

She prayed for a second chance, but time evaded her. Perhaps, in another life, she would get the chance to truly free her soul?