Day 16

Day 16 of no alcohol. Oh, yes, I did not mention. I've stopped drinking. To put it simply, it was getting in the way of attaining the life I want. So I stopped.

In January I stopped...for 9 days. And then I kind of justified away my reasons for stopping. But things kept happening which seemed to be urging me to stop drinking until I couldn't ignore the feeling anymore.

I've found myself with more time, and money on my hands. But the time has been good. It's given me some real clarity. And I just feel better about the direction my life is heading.

No one I know would consider me an alcoholic. I don't have to have a drink everyday. But when I do start drinking I want to keep going. For me it's more about the intention behind the drinking that's been bothering me. I've been using it as an escape.

I read something that rang true with me. Your next drink will never be as good as your first. I started drinking when I was 19 and it started out all for fun, of course. And somewhere along the line...sneakily it became an excuse to escape and less and less about only having a good time.

Alcohol really affected my capacity to love myself. It caused me to treat myself in ways that I would not be okay with sober. That's been a hard one for me to admit. But the more days I am sober, the more clarity I am gaining.

I went through a lot of changes last year, internal changes. Now it's time to make the external match the internal. I know what I want my life to be and I am not going to let myself get in my own way.