Restless

I've been restless since I got back from Los Angeles. I'm on the verge of some major changes in my life. I don't do well with that. Being on the verge makes me want to leap.

Being restless makes me feel out of control. Something I'm all too familiar with from my childhood. I can't stand it and I revert back to some old unhealthy habits. Thus I'm implementing this time of restlessness to transform into something healthy. A time for inner work to be done.

Tonight, for the second time, I'm going to attend an Al-Anon meeting. In case you're unfamiliar, it is a meeting for adult children and family members of alcoholics, substance abusers, or mental illness. It's a place where people meet to talk about and relate with the struggles they are having or have had. And how to overcome deep seated habits of coping that are unhealthy to carry on as an adult.

I've been more attuned to the ways growing up in an unhealthy household have shaped the way I am today. There are old outworn habits that I need to outgrow. I am hoping this will be a positive opportunity for such growth.

I'm about to be at a new exciting place in my life. I need to be emotionally and spiritually ready. Whatever that looks like, I'm not totally sure. But I'm willing to find out.