A Year Ago Today

Found these 'writings' today. I wrote them exactly a year ago, 11/28/2010.

Intuition
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I had a dream last night.
As most nights I do.

In this dream I had a plan,
then I woke up
and now know what to do.

I may not be at the pace of everyone else.
But my journey is not your own.

I feel on beat.
On key.
Finally everything is flowing.

A time for ruminating.
Making tangible the ideas stored inside
Allowing me to create a step by step guide.

Not waiting for perfection.
But trusting my intuition.

My life will become what I see in my mind's eye.
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A New Day
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Good morning
bright sunshine
newness is here

The iniquity of yesterday forgotten
the rays wash away my fears.

The sunshine reaches my face through the window
birds chirp happily
a reminder of the good in my childhood
a reminder of the simple.

What was once impossible yesterday seems possible today.

The Bracelet
I found your bracelet last week.
The one you made for me.
Blue beads.
It reminds me of the good.
How we were there for each other.
A special bond that no one can fully understand,
besides you and me.

I was angry. And I am still hurt.
But I've decided to wear the bracelet now.
It reminds me of the good.
Then I had a dream that you called me.
It was the beginning of the mending that I hope will someday be.
I miss you dearly.

Little boy's Journey: Part 2

Little Boy was feeling disappointed in what he had discovered beyond the mountain. He decided to go back to the mountain for a while.

Unfortunately, he arrived only to discover the mountain to be an even darker place than his memory. He realized why conjuring his imagination had been an important daily task. If only things had changed, but time seemed to stand still on the mountain. He sat bewildered at the top of the mountain, wondering how he could fix things. The grief that he thought had dissipated with his journey east only returned. He decided that perhaps the grief would relinquish if he rebuilt the cabin he’d grown up in at the top of the mountain.

But the cabin was not ready to come down. He tried to burn it to the ground, but the logs would not catch fire. He then tried to bury it, but the feat proved impossible. After unsuccessful attempts to burn and bury the cabin, Little Boy was exhausted. He decided to live in the cabin for a while. Just long enough to rest until his next journey.

Little Boy looked for the front door, but there was no door to be found. He ran to the back door. But there was no door to be found. He climbed up to the windows. They were barred. He peaked inside the window to the room he grew up in. Everything was just as he had left it-The bookshelf filled with his favorite books. One of the dresser drawers half open. Like a movie set-everything was in its place.

But nothing was the same.

Little Boy’s grief engulfed him. He was exhausted, but it was time to begin another journey. He didn’t know where else to go so he headed back east in search of the familiar.

Salamander was there to happily greet Little Boy. She knew how difficult going back to the mountain must have been for him. Little Boy created new memories in hopes of overcoming the memories of the mountain.

Time passed and Little Boy was only reminded of the painful mountain memories every so often, and the journey that had brought him back. He had still not spoken to Fox. Little Boy and Fox lived far enough apart that they never ran across one another. Sometimes he thought of Fox, and missed him. But then he remembered how Fox had taken Salamander’s feet.

Little Boy began to grow tired of the village he lived in. He sensed he was being deceived by people in the village so he stopped confiding in them. Things were not much easier than they had been back at the mountain, but at least he had Salamander’s friendship.

Little Boy began making plans to explore new territory. He decided to journey out west. Eventually he would come back to the east, but his adventurous heart wanted to explore every possibility.

Once Little Boy finalized the details of his westward journey he excitedly shared the news with Salamander. She shared in his excitement as he recounted the plan. But there was still time yet before his leave.

Later, as Little Boy took his usual walk, he could see Salamander in the forest with some of their other friends. As he approached the group he noticed Salamander carrying the bouquet the two of them had collected throughout their journey together. He looked on, stunned, as Salamander burnt the bouquet and threw it in the river.

Little Boy knew he must have seen the scenario wrong. The next day he confronted Salamander about what he saw.

“Why did you burn our bouquet?”

“Oh, it doesn’t really matter.”

“But it took years to create.”

“Goodbye”, Salamander dryly replied.

Heartbroken, Little Boy decided it was time to begin the journey west.

Little Boy's Journey: Part One

This little boy used to write stories all the time. He loved using his imagination. Most of his stories were about the unseen. Worlds he hoped to discover with knights, and the attainment of dreams.

This Little Boy lived on the top of a mountain. He would often go on walks to get inspiration for his imagination. On these walks he would think of all that he would one day be and do.

On this particular day, Little Boy started off on his walk. He never took the same path. This time he headed east. He had been feeling trapped at the top of the mountain, but was a little scared being unsure of what existed beyond it. He had been in grief for some time, and supposed that going beyond the mountain would change things for the better.

After a while Little Boy came upon a salamander. The salamander had helped him plan this journey. Little Boy was thrilled to have a trusting companion. The salamander of course knew the wild and guided him. Never having been beyond the mountain, Little Boy had a lot to learn. He was grateful to have his old friend, Salamander, be his guide.

Salamander had many friends in the east. She had lived there a long time. Mostly Salamander told Little Boy about Fox. Salamander was sure that Fox and him would become the best of friends.

Little Boy loved hearing Salamander’s stories and it made the journey go by very fast. Little Boy was filled with excitement to begin his new life. Perhaps the things he had always dreamt of on the mountain were going to come true!

After a while, Salamander and Little Boy arrived at Salamander’s home. Little Boy felt so free now that he was beyond the mountain. One night Salamander asked Little Boy if he would like to meet some of the friends she had told him about. Little Boy was nervous but excited to meet these new friends.

When Salamander and Little Boy arrived, Salamander was excited.

“You will finally meet Fox."

Little Boy didn’t know why Salamander was so excited for him to meet Fox. But he guessed it didn’t matter.

Salamander was right. Fox and Little Boy became good friends. Little Boy noticed that Salamander seemed conflicted about this, and wasn’t sure why. But it didn’t bother Little Boy too much. Salamander had been such a good friend.

One day after Little Boy had been playing with friends, he realized Fox had not shown up. Salamander had not been there either. Little Boy decided to stop at the field they always played at.

When Little Boy arrived, Salamander was there. Little Boy was excited to tell her about all the fun of the day. But before he could begin, Little Boy noticed something different about Salamander.

“Where are your feet, Salamander?”

“Fox took them.”

Little Boy did not understand this. Why would Fox do that? He trusted Fox as much as he did Salamander. Fox knew Salamander was Little Boy's best friend.

Now Salamander had to crawl on her belly.

Little Boy didn't really believe that Fox would do that, but if that were true then it meant Salamander was lying. Little Boy was so confused. He decided not to speak to Fox, at least for a while. But Fox didn’t seem to notice. This hurt Little Boy. He thought his friendship with Fox meant something special.

Salamander seemed happier now that she didn’t have to share Little Boy with Fox. This bothered Little Boy and he realized it was time to leave on another journey, but alone this time.

2011 Wrap-Up

In trying to keep with the foundation of this blog...

Everything I've Never Done until 2011:

1. First professional job on a film set in Los Angeles.
2. Moved to Los Angeles
3. First time living in a large metropolitan area, unless you count Jacksonville, Fl. I don't.
4. Drove cross country. Twice. Alone the second time.
5. Went to improv shows at Second City, and Upright Citizens Brigade
6. Got a production job in Los Angeles editing and hosting.
7. Took an acting class in L.A.
8. Went to a taping of "The Price is Right"
9. Trying online dating. It has been interesting.
10. (Almost) finished writing a rom-com screenplay. (Will be finished by December!)
11. Found out I will be an Aunt soon!

Gainesville

Things are beginning to fall into place here in Gainesville. I have a five year plan and as plans go I expect it to change, but I'm going with it as long as it works!

I don't miss Los Angeles at all. If anything, living in L.A. cured my appetite for what I thought I wanted. There's a lot I love about Gainesville and now I appreciate this city even more.

I've chosen a new career path. One that I will feel fulfilled in, but will definitely have its challenges. I realized after being in L.A. that I need a career where I'm helping people in a tangible way.

Hooray for self actualization.

Doo doo do do do...

This show always makes me happy, even if I'm having a bad day.
PB&J