The Quest for Love

This year I’ve been really wanting, hoping for, and feeling ready be in a healthy, committed, relationship. I’ve been single for six years. Of course I have dated throughout that time period, but no one has made it past the 3 month mark. According to a book I read, (okay, full disclosure- according to Patti Lestrange of Millionaire Matchmaker) at about three months is when the decision is usually made to make the relationship exclusive or not. That just hasn’t happened either because of distance, or realizing there wasn’t enough connection/compatibility.

At one point, what seems like a long time ago, I had a boyfriend for two years, and it was a healthy relationship. So I know it’s possible. But that was six years ago, and I was 19. As I got older, and suffered heartbreak, things became more complicated.

Thankfully, I’ve only had one toxic relationship and the situation lasted way too long (sorry, if you are reading this mister, but I think you’d agree). The good news is I learned basically every relationship lesson I apparently needed to learn with the one guy. I’m quite efficient.

The problem can be the aftermath. Toxic relationships leave residue. Even after we’ve moved forward, we may find ourselves being overly cautious of repeating the same mistakes, and cautious with opening up to another person. For the most part, I’ve worked through that issue…

Lately, it’s all about re-building trust with myself. At times I find it difficult to trust my own judgment, since who I believed in for so long to be right for me, turned out to be all wrong. It can cause moments of internal insanity. But when I’m coming from a clear heart and mind, I realize that I can trust myself. I can trust myself because now I know better!

To keep it simple, these are a few guidelines I use now:
If a relationship is complicated from the beginning, run away as fast as you can.
SERIOUSLY. RUN LIKE THE WIND.

If a relationship has you questioning yourself and overanalyzing everything,
RUN LIKE THE WIND.

And if you find yourself making excuses for the other person to yourself and your friends,
RUN LIKE THE WIND.

Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye is my least favorite thing in the world to do. I have had to say goodbye a lot in my life. Especially in the past few years. Sometimes it has been out of choice; because I had outgrown a situation or relationship. But even that isn't easy.

The most difficult have been the times I've had to let go of a relationship when it was something that was really positive, but circumstances intervened making change inevitable.

This has happened a couple of times in my life. And it happened today. If I let my mind take over and overwhelm me it can be extremely frustrating. But this time I am wiser and understand the big picture better. I still have my moments of frustration; of feeling gypt or shortchanged because of circumstances. But this is where my faith comes in because with every experience I have left behind new, positive experiences have come in their place. And I trust that this situation will be no different.

When I am in a moment that is perfect in my eyes, I want to bottle it up so that I can experience that specific moment whenever I want. I wish that memories would never fade.

In my perfect world, we would always stay close with those that we have shared a special connection with.